There are tons of articles out there telling Christian women what red flags to look for when searching for a good, Christian husband. However, there doesn’t seem to be as many articles telling Christian men what red flags to watch out for. My wife noticed this and began talking about it with me. From our conversation we came up with 11 red flags Christian men need to look out for when searching for a good, Christian wife*.
1. SHE IS USED TO GETTING HER WAY
If you hear from anyone that your girlfriend or prospective wife is “used to getting her way”, stay away. That is a very polite and positive spin on the fact that she will not submit to you. Such a woman will refuse to listen to you and accept you as the leader of the household. This will be a constant source of friction and headaches that has little possibility of being overcome. Even if overcome, it will likely not be worth the effort.Better to prevent the headaches and stay away from such a woman.
2. SHE HAS A STRONG ATTACHMENT TO HER LEFT-WING POLITICAL BELIEFS
Generally, it is better to go for a woman who has no political views or isn’t interested in politics. However, rabidly leftist woman will corrode your marriage faster than you can say, “Make me a sandwich”. The more to the left a woman is, the more likely she will be to refuse to obey biblical commands. As a Christian man, your marriage will be fraught with problems because she will very likely endorse explicitly anti-Christian views and beliefs. No woman can serve two masters. She can either love the Leftism and hate Christ or love Christ and hate Leftism. She cannot do both. So if you place any importance on your Christian identity, do not approach this kind of woman for marriage.
3. SHE IS A FEMINIST
There are many women, especially Christian women, who may not harbor leftist beliefs but still claim to be feminists. I’ll be blunt, a Christian feminist is a walking oxymoron. You cannot be a Christian while claiming to be feminist. Sorry, not my rules. As such, any woman who claims to be feminist should be off limits. Feminists will cause all sorts of problems in marriage from refusing to recognize her husband as leader to denying biblical authority to refusing to have kids and even outright supporting abortion. Stay far away from any woman claiming to be feminist.
4. SHE HAS NO DESIRE TO HAVE CHILDREN AND BE A HOMEMAKER
Today it is misogynistic hate speech to even imply that women are made to have children. But that is reality. The desire to have children is built into a woman’s biology just as the desire to have copious amounts of sex is built into the man’s. A woman who refuses to have children and hates the idea of being a homemaker is rebelling against her own biology. Such a women (unless she is committed to living a celibate life) genuinely has something wrong with her or is thoroughly brainwashed by the surrounding culture. Neither situation provides a good forecast for your marriage should you decide to put a ring on it.
5. SHE HAS NO INTEREST IN TAKING CARE OF HER BODY OR LOOKING GOOD FOR HER HUSBAND.
Looks are extremely important for men. That shouldn’t be controversial. However, our culture (and many Christians) teach women they should be loved for who they are. That is usually code for “forget about your looks; a man who can’t look past your physical appearance isn’t worthy of you”. Now, I’m not saying only models are worthy of marriage. Unless you are extremely good-looking yourself, you will not marriage a model. However, A woman who is marriage material will try to look good for her husband and will generally enjoy looking and acting feminine. A woman who does not care about these things is usually guilty of the less talked about sins like gluttony and sloth. Furthermore, these women become very unattractive as they age and then they wonder why their husband had an affair or looked at porn. Make sure the woman you marry genuinely intends to meet your needs just as you intend to meet hers.
6. SHE CONSUMES LARGE AMOUNTS OF ROMANCE NOVELS AND FILMS
The Romance genre, as a whole, is basically porn for women. This is a huge problem that is largely ignored by Christian leaders, the same leaders who love to take a dump on Christian men for their porn habits. There is no meaningful difference between most romance novels/movies and porn. Therefore, just as habitual porn use is a red flag when looking for a Christian husband, the consumption of romance books/movies is a red flag when searching for a Christian wife.
7. HER PRIORITY IN LIFE IS HER CAREER
Feminism indoctrinates women into believing that life only has meaning if they have a career**. This belief has practically destroyed normal family formation.Let me explain. A woman is at her biological peak between the ages of 18-25 (in terms of health and fertility). A woman who prioritizes her career does not have time for anything else and will likely have to put off having children until she is “ready for children” and “established in her career”. As such, a woman pursuing a career wastes her child-bearing years pursuing degrees and high salaries. This causes all sorts of problems for family formation. A woman who has children later in life is not as fertile and will likely have to spend money undergoing expensive fertility treatments. Her children will be more likely to suffer health problems, disorders and chromosomal damage. She will also be more prone to complications and health problems as a result of the pregnancy in addition to having less energy to keep up with her children. Finally, older mothers tend to treat their kids like grandchildren, i.e. spoil them. As a Christian man who wants to start a family, a career woman is a non-starter. If you value your marriage, your future wife’s health and the health of your future kids, marry someone who is willing to sacrifice a career in order to have children at her biological peak and care for them.
8. HER PARENTS DIVORCED OR HAD A DYSFUNCTIONAL MARRIAGE
This might sound unfair but reality does not care about fairness. Children of broken and/or bad marriages have a much greater chance of divorce or having bad marriages themselves. This is simply a fact that cannot be overlooked. Search google for the studies if you have any doubt. Getting married in the U.S. is now extremely risky due to a culture that promotes divorce and a court system that will bend over backward for the wife while destroying the husband’s life. Christian marriages rarely fare any better in this climate. Now, given the already risky climate, why would you increase your chances of divorce by marrying someone who came from a bad/broken marriage.
9. SHE’S A SINGLE MOTHER
Now despite what certain Christian leaders might tell you, marrying those single mothers is not a moral imperative. In fact, if your prospective spouse is a single mom, that is a huge red flag. A single mom has many counts against her. She fornicated, had a child out of wedlock and failed to provide her child with a father. These actions should alert you to the kind of woman she is. As such, stay away because an alpha widow never forgets. Now, of course there are exceptions. This single mom could be a widow or could have been raped. In these situations, you might be forgiven for overlooking her status.
10. SHE HAS BEEN WITH MULTIPLE MEN OR USED TO BE A PARTY GIRL
If you care even the slightest about your own well-being and/or the well-being of your future kids, STAY AWAY from any women who has had sex with multiple men. I would include party girls here because any woman who used to party has very likely been with multiple men in the past. The number of sexual partners strongly and negatively affects the chances of a successful marriage. Even one man is enough. There is no shortage of studies that prove this. Look them up if you doubt me. This is true even of Christian women who claim to have found Jesus and have changed. While we are obligated to forgive these women just as Christ forgave them if they truly repent, you are not obligated to marry them. The consequences of their behavior likely still linger. You will never let a man who has molested little girls in the past be around your daughter no matter how much he may claim to have changed. In the same way, refuse to marry any woman who has had prior sexual partners because, and I’ll say it again, an alpha widow never forgets. If you ignore this red flag, you are gambling with your future.
11. SHE HAS A HABIT OF DISRESPECTING YOU
You should never consider marrying a woman who has a habit of disrespecting you, especially in public. Such a situation is not only a red flag for marriage but also a red flag that your relationship at present is not going well. A woman will disrespect you for two reasons: either you aren’t worthy of respect or she’s just a rebellious woman. Either reason should be enough to discourage you from marrying her. However, if you fancy becoming a cuckold, then, by all means, continue with the relationship.
*Disclaimer: This post will rustle some feathers. That’s fine as it really doesn’t bother me. I care about reality and if me pointing out reality for you upsets you, then deal with it. And again, remember these are general rules. Any exceptions you can think of are likely to be exceptions that prove the rule. Finally, it is possible to find women that are so stellar in certain areas that overlooking a red flag or two might be ok.. However, remember that most problems in a woman are are interrelated. A woman who is left-wing is unlikely to want children at a young age and will prioritize her career. So if you see one red flag, be sure you aren’t overlooking others.
**G.K. Chesterton once said that feminism “is mixed up with the muddled idea that women are free when they serve their employer but slaves when they help their husbands”.